HOME COUNTRY: Dud was especially quiet this morning

Dud was especially quiet this morning, sitting in his usual seat at the philosophy counter of the Mule Barn truck stop. He was doodling with his napkin and a feed store ball-point pen.

  Doc looked over to see if he could make it out. He couldn’t. Bert adjusted his glasses and looked over.

  “Murder?” said Bert.

  “What?”

  “You wrote murder on the napkin,” Bert said. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “Naw,” Dud said, blushing a bit. “It’s my book, that’s all.”

  “Still having trouble trying to figure it out?” Doc said, kindly.

  “The publishing company suggests I outline it first to kinda get to know where everything goes before rewriting it this time. And you know what they said about the murders…”

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HOME COUNTRY: We wondered about the origin of the new sign…

  We wondered about the origin of the new sign down at the Read Me Now bookstore. Sarah McKinley has had the place for about five years now and has become a real asset to our valley. If you’re looking for a book, she either has it or you don’t need to read it.

  She is picky, of course, and tends to buy the kind of books she thinks we should read and not always the ones we’d like to read. Fortunately for her, enough of us agree with her choices that we have kept her in business.

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HOME COUNTRY: When old Joe Gilliam began digging that hole in his front yard…

 When old Joe Gilliam began digging that hole in his front yard, out there close to the street, neighbors watched and wondered.  When he got his grandson to help him carry the shade tree sapling from his pickup to the hole, people nodded.

  Mystery solved. Old Joe’s planting a tree. 

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HOME COUNTRY: We have a master gardener in our family.

We have a master gardener in our family. Two, actually. My wife, Catherine, and her identical twin, Eleanor. These women spent a whole year studying stuff like how to grow things that you’d like to have and how to avoid growing things that turn your stomach.

   Catherine is really active in the group and volunteers to find volunteers. Hey, you can ask. She loves doing it, and I’m kinda an occasional tag-a-long.

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HOME COUNTRY: Spring mornings are a lot like Christmas.

Spring mornings are a lot like Christmas. Each day we get up and go out into the yard or walk along the creek or visit the horses in the pasture. And each day, each morning, we find something new the sun has brought us.

  Pinfeather leaves of an unbelievable green now start showing on cottonwoods that have stood like stark ghostly frames all through the cold winter. Hopeful blades of grass peek through clumps of brown left over from last summer’s verdant pasture. Everywhere we look there is something new and different.

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HOME COUNTRY: Neighbors Watched and Wondered

When old Joe Gilliam began digging that hole in his front yard, out there close to the street, neighbors watched and wondered.  When he got his grandson to help him carry the shade tree sapling from his pickup to the hole, people nodded.

  Mystery solved. Old Joe’s planting a tree.

  After removing the root mass from the five-gallon pot, the grandson disappeared and Old Joe was left to care for the baby tree. He carefully spread the tiny feeder roots out and tucked them in with soil. Then he packed more dirt around the tree’s base and soaked it well with the hose.

  No one else saw anything odd in Joe planting that tree, either, but Joe’s been retired now going on 20 years. He’s old and getting more frail each year. By the time that sapling gets large enough to give homes to squirrels and birds and shade to neighbors and a resting place for dogs, Joe will have been long gone.

  Planting a tree is an affirmation of faith in the future. It is a gift to those yet unborn. It is a legacy of goodness, an old man’s prayer.

Brought to you by “Strange Tales of Alaska” by Slim Randles. Now available online.

HOME COUNTRY: We knew it was coming when Bert came into the Mule Barn truck stop

We knew it was coming when Bert came into the Mule Barn truck stop the other day. He took his usual stool at the philosophy counter and world dilemma think tank, where he reigns as Cutting Edge Technology Advisor to the board of directors.

  It was that glint in his eye that gave it away.

  “Hi Bert.”

  “Hi Doc. Say, isn’t this a beautiful day? It’s 32 out there.”

  “Doesn’t seem that cold,” said Steve, our resident cowboy, who tends to look at everything from the back of a horse.

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HOME COUNTRY: As my descendants will proudly tell you, I can be a bit slow on the uptake.

   As my descendants will proudly tell you, I can be a bit slow on the uptake. But now I found the “I Can’t Do Any of This” channel on cable television, and it opened my eyes.

   It’s like shopping in an army surplus store. Lots of fun just cruising around, trying to figure out what this little thing does. A lesson in belittlement?

   Faugh! I say.

   No, for the up-to-date old cowboy and columnist, it’s simply a challenge. I always try to figure out what the little gizmo does before throwing myself on the mercy of that young girl at the cash register.

   It’s much the same with the “No Can Do” channel. I’ll turn it on in the morning while ingesting coffee, and they’ll tell me, “Don’t throw away that old fan until you’ve filled it with cement.”

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HOME COUNTRY: “Moon’s getting big,” Dud said over coffee the other day.

 “Moon’s getting big,” Dud said over coffee the other day.

    “Sure is,” said Herb Collins.

    “Time to go after The Ghost  again.”

    “Tomorrow night?”

    “I’ll be there,” said Dud. 

    The Ghost, hereabouts, is a raccoon. He lives along Lewis Creek and is a wily old rascal. We love going coonhunting here, but the way we do it is a bit different than they do it other places. Since we don’t have a lot of water around us, as they do in some areas, we don’t have a lot of ‘coons, either. So we conserve the ‘coons, but not the fun. We throw ‘em back when we’re done.

    So we take these beautiful fall and winter nights, put on several layers of longjohns, and turn the hounds out along the creek. Sometimes the dogs strike a ‘coon track and put the ‘coon up the tree quickly. Then we tell the dogs how wonderful they are, hook the dogs to leashes, and drag them back to the truck. It’s hunting’s answer to catch-and-release fishing. The coons stay in the tree until we’re gone and then go back to making the nights more interesting.

  But not The Ghost. The Ghost is a big male, or boar. We’ve treed him more than a dozen times now, and then he discovered this was kinda fun. So now he waits in a one-acre patch of trees. Waits for the dogs. And when they catch his scent, he takes those dogs through farmyards, across busy streets, even past the dog pound. He does everything he can to shake them off his trail, and it works. The dogs haven’t treed him in three years now. It the dogs get smart to his ways and put too much pressure on him, he swims the river. 

  So Dud and Herb will try The Ghost again tomorrow. Will the dogs put him up a tree this time? Don’t bet on it.

                                                                ———–

Brought to you by Packing the Backyard Horse, by Slim Randles. Available on the internet.

HOME COUNTRY: It was Doc’s idea, of course.

 It was Doc’s idea, of course. That’s what made it sing. That’s why it took off in gales of laughter and fun.

  He knew we needed the money for the children in our area who might be without warm clothes this winter, so he brainstormed among himself and came up with the golf tournament.

  He went to Delbert McLain, who is our local chamber of commerce. Delbert’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, but then suddenly clouded over with doubt.

  “But Doc,” Delbert said, “we don’t have a golf course.”

  “Leave that to me, Delbert me lad. Leave that entirely to me.”

  And so our medical leprechaun talked to two farmers whose land adjoined each other, and after they quit laughing, they agreed.

  Doc rounded up Dud and Herb Collins and laid out an 18-hole golf course in about an hour. They used steel t-posts for flags (with bandanas tied to the top) and dug a hole with a shovel. They put smaller flags at the tee-off spots, and there you go! An 18-hole golf course that was one hundred percent hazard.

  No fairway, just hazard. Rocks and trees and Lewis Creek and the occasional cactus and yucca. Doc figures if you make it around all 18 holes without encountering a poisonous snake, you should get bonus points.

   “This course,” said Doc, “is so bad, everyone will want to play, because everyone will have a terrific excuse for having a terrible game.”

   The cattle were moved to safer locations before the tournament began, and enough money was raised to keep the kids warm this winter.

   “Life,” said Doc, “should be ridiculous and fun. So let’s do this again next fall.”

                                                    ———–

Brought to you by Saddle Up, A Cowboy Guide to Writing by Slim Randles. On the internet and from Rio Grande Publishing in Albuquerque.

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